Dinner, Delays, and the Response That Changed Everything
I Almost Sent the Snarky Text…But Didn’t
Have you ever responded to a situation very differently than you would’ve in the past and felt an immense amount of pride? Not only because you kept it together, but because you literally changed the entire trajectory of your day. Because you protected your energy and focused on the things that really matter.
This happened to me last week. It wasn’t a profound moment. Nor was it some big leap.
And that’s exactly why I’m sharing about it.
For me growth happens in the quiet moments. In the stillness. In the small choices and decisions. It happens when you choose to take a deep breath and take the calmer path.
Let’s Start From the Beginning
Last Thursday, we (me, the kids, and Vishnu) planned to meet at my parents house for dinner after school and camp. Vishnu had the day off so he coming from our place.
Kaiden and I arrived at my parents’ house (from camp) around 5:15 pm. Mila was already there because my parents picked her up from school.
Around 5:30 pm, I texted Vishnu to see what his ETA was. He texted back saying he was headed to his parents’ house to help them with something and then would head over to meet us.
Let me explain the logistics here. Vishnu’s parents live 15 minutes away from us. My parent’s live about 35-45 minutes away from Vishnu’s parents. We live in between the two.
A Different Kind of Response
Upon seeing his response, I took a deep breath and almost texted back, “Don’t worry about coming here anymore. I’ll bring dinner home for you.”
But not in a kind way. More in a sarcastic/snarky way. I felt a little frustrated. I told myself a story about he didn’t plan his day with dinner in mind. That he didn’t care.
I didn’t do that though. I simply said, “Ok.”
And then I continued hanging out with my family.
I was able to do this because I quickly changed the story in my head. I thought about the situation from my husband’s perspective and how he wasn’t trying to frustrate me. There could’ve been a number of reasons why he didn’t go to his parents’ house earlier. It also wasn’t urgent for him to meet us by a certain time.
This helped me relax and let go of my frustration.
I truly love this man and deeply appreciate him, AND there are times where he frustrates me like no one else can. I guess that’s marriage!
What Happened Next
As you can imagine, what happened next was that my husband got to my parents’ house (albeit a little later than I thought), we had a delicious dinner together, he helped my dad with some house stuff, we went home, put the kids to bed, hung out for a little bit and went to bed ourselves.
There was no tension. No friction. No argument.
By responding with a calmer mind, I changed the trajectory of our evening.
Another Version of Me
I shared all of the above with my husband the next day. He admitted that he was anticipating my frustration. He thought the day would end with tension/friction.
And believe me, if the other version of me had taken control, it would have.
But a different part of me was able to intercept and rewrite my response.
And not just that, she was able to truly let go of the situation and enjoy the present moment.
THANK GOODNESS!
How to Ease Frustration in the Moment
Look, I’m not going to pretend like my only response going forward will be calm. I’m human. I will get frustrated from time to time.
My goal is to ensure that whatever emotions I feel in the moment serve me and those around me. If they don’t, I want to let them go and choose a different emotional response. Progress not perfection is the name of the game!
There are lots of ways to practice emotional regulation. My favorite one is to ask myself a different question. A question that gets me to pause and think before reacting.
Here are a few of my favorite questions to ask myself:
What’s a different story I can tell myself about what’s happening?
What’s my most generous interpretation of what’s happening? (Via Dr. Becky)
What could the other person be experiencing in this moment?
Does the frustration I’m feeling right now serve me?
What would it look like for me to pause, think and then respond?
Celebrating My Small Win
You better believe I’ve been thinking about and mentally celebrating this small win of mine.
Again, I don’t do this because it was a big moment. It clearly wasn’t! I celebrate because it reminds me I am capable of calm. AND that calm leads to inner peace, which is the ultimate goal.
I’m a big believer in filling our emotional toolboxes with as many tools as possible, so that we’re able to try and rise to the task of regulating ourselves when the frustrating moments come.
What tools do you use to calm your frustrated mind? Are there any questions I missed? Do you celebrate small wins like this?
Shakti Credits and Debits
Shakti Credits
My husband and I went to dinner just the two of us, and it was so so nice! We hadn’t done this in months. I loved being able to have an actual free flowing conversation and enjoy my meal. We then came home and watched a couple of episodes of Your Friends & Neighbors (highly recommend this show!). It was glorious!
I partnered with a local organization called Atlanta GLOW to give a talk on energy management to a small group of young women participating in the organization’s summer program. It was interesting to hear how women who are a bit younger than my typical coachees perceive and manage their own energy in this crazy world we live in.
Shakti Debits
My ba (grandmother) left for Connecticut on Tuesday. I’m going to miss her so much! She’s such a bright light in all of our lives.
The other night I stayed up a little past my bed time with phone in hand. As you can imagine, it was hard to stop the doom scroll once it started. For once, I wasn’t on Instagram…instead, I was on Reuters and CNN reading about the current situation with Iran and Israel and the US response. Not a good idea to read about this stuff right before bed! I slept so poorly that night. Tossing and turning…dreaming about WWIII. I vowed to never let that happen again! Such a huge energy leak that’s completely in my control.
Par’s Picks
I’m currently reading Joe Nuthin’s Guide to Life. I’m halfway through, and it’s already one of my favorite books ever. Can’t wait to share more soon!
This episode of the Liz Moody podcast was really eye opening. Liz shares a calculation we can do to quantify the entire whole days of our lives we’re spending on our phones. And she also shares some different ways we can cut down our screen time.